Re-integration Hokie-pokie

How do you re-integrate with society?

I always tell myself never to think about change - especially when it comes to yourself. The more you want change, the less you will get.

When we arrived back in Canada though, it really felt like something was a miss. I thought, well that is it, I have changed, and I will never be the same again. And part of that is true, somewhere deep within myself, but that was oh, so two months ago.. and now how quickly things get back into a rut.

I feel like I am stuck floating somewhere right in the middle of everything. I have a job, but no real place to live. I have a life but no real way to live it. I want so desperately now to just get on with my life to stop waiting for things to just work themselves out. It honestly feels like we are still travelling. We are settled but not quite. We do things like camping on the weekends, but we have no real place to put our gear because we still don't have a place tolive. And through this all, every day I check the paper for houses and apartments, but for what? Why am I so eager to get on with fitting into a box?

What is the rush to be normal and why are so many people desiring it so? Or do people not even desire it, it is just inherent in life? We are taught to have kids and a family and a house and these are goals that so many strive for.

Sitting here somewhere in the middle I find myself longing for some of these conventions and trappings of society. Maybe it is just all or nothing for me, really why sit on the fence in some middle ground nowhere?

But then I think it is not just that I want to settle down and have a house etc... I might trade it all in for travelling all over again.. I think it is just that after living a year doing something and going all out at it, I am not really wanting to just sort-of do something. Life is too short to waffle. Right now I want it all or nothing, and at least the option to choose.

I can't stand this Hokie-pokie much longer.